Christmas is nearly here and we're just about to move. Many things are on my mind... but mostly is about money and things. I've made many trips to Goodwill with bags of clothes, toys, random household whatnot... the things we've spent money on over the years that we don't really need, want, or use. Yes, they've lasted... but really, it was a waste.
I've also set out lids to hampers long destroyed, broken toys, more broken toys, and all the other marvelous things that have been broken and beyond repair. Also such a waste.
And, as we're preparing to move, I look at out larger household items... the kitchen table purchased 14 years ago, the expensive sofa set purchased 15 years ago, the vintage chair purchased 6 years ago, the antique tv cabinet I refinished a few years ago... everything we own is OLD... and the age is showing.
Call me crazy, but I have always been so extremely careful to take care of my things. To treat them gently... I worked damn hard to bring those things in to my life... but kids... the dog... the husband... it's just not the same.
I see people with beautiful homes and nice things and I wonder... how do they do it? How do they prevent the seemingly inevitable destruction? How on earth do you get the 2 & 3 year old to NOT jump on the sofa? Some to use a coaster? To eat at the stupid table? How is it done?
I think we desperately do need a new sofa and table. It is time. The sofa is ugly and smells funky, the cushions are shredded, it sags and groans... it's beyond saving. The table wobbles and threatens to collapse and it's too small for our now larger family. But it's hard to let go of these things that I worked for... as a single woman... before the husband, before the kids... Little by little, I have to let go.
Maybe that's what's bothering me the most. I have to let go of my identity in yet another way now... My dishes that I loved were tossed years ago as the husband wanted to pick dishes he liked... my old suits and work wear long given up as I stay home and work with saw dust and paint and scrub toilets... my going-out clothes are gone too as that won't ever be a part of my life again... I gave up my car (LOVED my Subaru) so we could accommodate our growing family... nearly everything I buy these days is for someone else... a child needs new shoes or socks, the kids need some craft supplies, I need supplies to build things for other people... and now, I'm giving up my sofa and my table... I know they're just things, but they've been part of my life for so long now... I'm sad. Since getting married and having kids, they've deteriorated rapidly... and now I'll have to compromise with someone else pick out new ones (which is hard for our family as our tastes ultimately clash horribly) for our home and watch them get destroyed too.
Maybe, just maybe, for Christmas, we'll take it easy and keep presents simple (and durable) and maybe, just maybe... Santa will bring us a sofa... and our family will magically treat it with care...
A girl can dream, right?
A work in progress